be.loved.

My love story.

May it bless you.

 My life is an offering to YOU and YOUR kingdom. But while most offerings are nice and useful, some even topped with a bow, I am covered in rags stained with shame.

All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags.

-Is. 64:6

YOU have extended YOUR love to me, and I have reached out and grabbed it. Yet, that's the thing, I only grabbed it.

Since I simply grabbed YOUR right hand, I easily let it go. As I let go, I mistakenly placed my hand in the hand of YOUR enemy, the father of lies. While following him, I was led further into sin, self-hate, and self-destruction. The once beautiful wedding dress, that shimmered and glowed in the brightness of it's white sheen, in which YOU clothed me, began to get dirty. No, not dirty, filthy.  And the whole time I let the devil fool me into ignoring what was happening to my princess dress, ignoring the fact that every step I took the dress ripped, tore, and became covered with the muck of sin.

The whole time YOU watched me, weeping, gnashing YOUR teeth, and continually interceding for my soul, for my heart, for my dress. If only I had raised my gaze to the face of my BELOVED, my ONE and ONLY, my FATHER, my GOD.

Then, I became completely consumed with the filth of this world. The corruption of sin got underneath my fingernails, made my hair stink, and nudged its way into the creases of my heart. I walked so far into the darkness that I could not see my feet anymore. All I could do was hear and feel what was around me. I was lost, stumbling along, trying to catch myself before I fell. But, I didn't know that a drop off was in the distance, and the devil was leading me straight to it. 

The evil one began to put thoughts inside my head, confusing my heart that they were from YOU. he is so good at disguising his voice, and I could have sworn his words were YOURS. In my ineptitude, I blindly ran after these voices full of promise and hope, when the whole time they spilled from the lips of a ravenous monster, slowly licking its lips in anticipation of my arrival. Those days are the darkest days I ever experienced, but I only realize this as I look back on them. At the time, I was completely ignorant to my certain death, quickly advancing upon me.

But the harsh words I heard, the lifeless hand I felt, and the cold breath I felt were not from YOU. 

As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.

-2 Samuel 22:31

You saw with your own eyes the...mighty hand and outstretched arm, with which the LORD your God brought you out.

-Deuteronomy 7:19

The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life.

-Job 33:4

Then these idols I was running after took off their masks, and suddenly I could see again. I did not see the hope they had promised, but torment, evil, shame, and hurt. I began to cry out, pulling and leaning away from the hand that had clawed its way into my skin, underneath. No matter how hard I tried, I could not get the grip of sin from my skin, and I thought there was no prospect of ever being free.

Suddenly, ever so quietly, I heard a voice calling out to me. It was YOU! 

When that day comes," says he LORD, "you will call ME my 'HUSBAND' instead of my 'MASTER'.

Hosea 2:19

"My Sweet One," YOU whisper, "walk with ME on the narrow road to MY kingdom. I will never leave you. I will never leave you. You have ravished my heart with one glance, and I am completely in love with you."

YOU take my hand and turn me around. YOU extend YOUR sustaining arms above YOUR head and shout, "My unfailing love reaches to the heavens! My faithfulness stretches to the clouds! These same hands have crafted the pits of the seas, the cracked terrain of mountains, and molded your perfect face."

I am enveloped by YOUR embrace, and we are now spinning and swaying to the rhythm of YOUR grace. "And this, MY Beloved, is how I sing songs of victory over my children."

YOUR heartbeat is thick against my ear, as YOU press my head deep into the comfort of YOUR broad chest. I close my eyes, and instead of darkness, I see only hope. Instead of fear, I feel security.  Instead of the dimness of my former life, YOU shine into me.

YOUR love is ever before me, and I walk continually in YOUR truth.

Psalm 26:3

"You are weak, but I am strong. Rest MY darling, rest in the peace of MY presence. Since you have come to ME finally, I will make you radiant with joy. Since you are truly mine, not a shadow of shame shall ever cover you.

"I love you. Trust ME."

With those words, I fall into everything YOU are. For though I have nothing to offer, YOU give me the bounty and overflow of YOUR heart. Daily, YOU come closer. Every moment, YOU keep me safe. With every breathe, YOU fill me.

Thank YOU.

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. May all who seek YOU rejoice and be glad in YOU; may those who love YOUR salvation always say, "Let GOD be exalted!"

Psalm 63:3 & Psalm 70:4